Ask anyone who knows me and they will agree that I have fun.  Sometimes too much fun as it can annoy Rachel that I’m still a kid in a 37 year old body.  I like to laugh, play, vacation, spend time with friends and family.

So I started thinking in the last few weeks about my kids and the kids I see in our community and around the nation.  It seems like they grow up too fast and we, as parents, aren’t helping the situation.  In fact, it’s my belief that too often we are a big reason and facilitator of the “grown up” philosophy.

So am I a “Fuddy Duddy” or is my concern appropriate?  I’m going to spend this blog sharing my thoughts on several issues where I have concerns.  The concerns have a lot of proof by looking at teen pregnancy and other teen issues.  I’m not going to give stats because if you’re too blind to look around and see the problems, a few percentages and studies won’t change your mind.

As my friend Mike Collins said, “We are robbing kids of the JOY of anticipation. They don't have to wait on anything - they don't look forward to anything b/c we allow them to have it all as soon as possible.”  So here are a few things that I’m thinking about---

1. Travel sports- this one is my toughest because we proudly have Brandt in travel football and basketball.  Let me first say there is a LOT of good in travel sports and team sports in general!  It provides a chance for kids to learn: winning, losing, teamwork, sportsmanship, work ethic, confidence, builds friendships, and leadership.  (Thanks Marnie for a pretty solid list.)  And may I also say that Brandt LOVES it.  We get to travel and go different places, stay in hotels.  Plus getting to play as an “All Star” obviously helps him improve and he is turning in to a good little athlete.

However, I have also seen pretty high expectations, yelling at kids, poor sportsmanship, and friendships get hurt.  (Not necessarily from our team in all examples.)  I admit that after games and weekends, I tend to point out Brandt’s faults in hopes “it will make him better.”  But I’m wondering if the pressure to perform and win is too much for a 10 year old boy?  It’s more than a lot of adults experience.

2. Dating- I blogged about this a few months back.  My stance hasn’t changed.  8 year olds through early teens should not date.  There is not one good reason I can think of to refute this.  It causes hurt feelings, multiple dating “partners”, the idea of temporary relationships (which I think translates later in adult marriages and relationships).  Those are just a few reasons it’s harmful.  That doesn’t even get in to sex or petting. 

So by the time they get in to late high school or college, most kids have kissed, made out, or had sex with several people.  This is not good for self-esteem!  It’s not good later when you have to drag all that baggage into a marriage.

3. Cell phones and social media- Abigail has a cell phone.  She just “upgraded” to a new phone.  In that week, our conversation has gone down.  She’s too busy playing dumb games or texting to deal with real life.  I think, in general, kids spend too much time goofing on cell phones, Facebook, and Twitter.  Yes, I understand there is value in all of these.  But there’s also value in putting poison in your body when you’re going through cancer (chemo) but I wouldn’t continue doing it or doing it to someone healthy!

Another friend rightfully said about her teen, “Instead of being able to hold a conversation with someone in person, she text. Not being able to carry a conversation with an adult or even a peer is something she has not developed due to her cell phone. Also with the abbreviations she uses, spelling is horrible sometimes even on FB although she is very smart, just lazy.”

Kids can get more information on their phone, FB, or Twitter than previous generations could get in a 60 hour news broadcast.  They are inundated with information, images, stories, messages.  If they don’t have some sort of constant stimulation, they go crazy.  I remember being “bored” but it didn’t last long as I could go find a friend and do something.

4. Dances- Let me first start with a recent prom I dj’d. This is for primarily Junior and Senior students.  Of the 17 songs requested, I could only play 8.  That means more than ½ were inappropriate.  And I’m not talking innuendo.   I mean they asked for songs that said “F” or vividly explained what the guy was going to do to the girl in the bedroom.  I told one girl I couldn’t play a Mac Miller song and her response--- “We’re in high school!  We’re not kids!  We should be able to listen to what we want!”  Here are a few lines from the song  (CAUTION--- VULGARITY AHEAD)

don't even know what's in my head anymore though
figured out i ain't gonna go to college so
fucking girls but i never kept the door closed
want you all to hear the way i put it in her torso
i ain't normal, i'm clinically insane
i guess it's the result of drugs that entering my brain

Now on to the upcoming dance for Mitchell Jr. High.  I understand the group putting it together has good intentions- to help with prizes for kids and incentives to do well and behave.  They also do some stuff for teachers.  I am not going to go into much detail here about the ordeal as some folks on FB have already said some things that are hurtful even though I’m just trying to discuss the problem in general, not just this dance.  That being said, I was told by many involved that this “IS NOT A MORP.”  (That’s prom backwards for some of you.)  The problem is all the kids are calling it that.  They know what it is.  If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.  There are 3 differences to this dance to normal Jr. High dances- 1) Longer: 3 hours.  Well, that’s the length of a prom.  It’s longer than the semi-formal Homecoming dance at BNL.  2) Attire- dress up, no shorts or jeans.  So it’s semi-formal or formal.  3) In a different building- much like prom is for students?  Also not mentioned is the “red carpet” feel, pictures and I’m sure the decorations.  Sounds like a morp to me and at least the kids at the junior high.

So you may be asking, what’s the problem with a semi-formal, longer, different building dance?  To me, as Collins said, it takes away from anticipation.  Too many things in this world are IMMEDIATE.  Kids want it NOW and usually they get it.  Phones, FB pages, fancy dances.  And again, when they reach their older high school days and get a real prom, will it take away from the excitement of the night if they’ve had several similar things in the past?

I know some (and maybe most) in the community won’t agree with most of this.  But I’m not called to agree with people.  I’m called to love my family, Jesus, and others.  As a few have said, WE ARE THE PARENTS.  The kids don’t know better.  We do.  So even if it makes them upset, I think guiding, protecting, and leading them to higher quality things and less “adult” things is better in the long run.  Which leads to my last thought…a question from Marcy.

“How do we slow things down in today's world without causing our kids to be ‘behind’?”  I personally think that is backwards thinking.  I think the kids who are dealing with all this crap are the ones behind.  They are put into positions where it sets them up for failure later- at the very least in relationships and communication.  Who says kids who don’t get to date, have FB, text all day or go to “special” dances are the ones behind?  Society.  And, looking around, I think society is pretty screwed up.  So why would I think they would know what’s best for my kids?  If enough parents would stand up and say “enough” then slowly the kids who are in the majority would be in the minority.

One huge thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older- there is NO COOL GROUP.  All the cool kids from high school and Jr. High and grade school, well they’re just like me.  Working every day, trying to raise families, chugging along.  They are not cool anymore.  We are all dorks.  We are all on this journey and it’s not the car you drive or clothes you wear or 6-pack abs or FB friends that makes you.  It’s just not.  And the sooner we, as adults, can start living that out, the better off our kids will be.  I don’t want my teen to be an adult or do “older” things until the time is right.  And some things are just better when we wait!  In fact, I think when we wait for something and get to yearn for it a little (or a lot), we appreciate it more and enjoy it more!  Be patient- there is time later for our kids to enjoy these things later.  I hope we can let them enjoy being a kid while they can….

Psalm 27:14

“Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.”

As a male who grew up with no man in my life for the majority of my boyhood, I have had to pay special attention on how to bring up my boy.  I didn't get any real lessons so most of the time I'm doing it "on the fly".  I mess up a lot.  But I also hope I am instilling in him some important aspects of what being a man, husband, and dad really look like.  When he was little, one of our favorite songs to sing was Rodney Atkins "Watching You".  Here is the youtube link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSx98jbt37Y&feature=related

A few months ago I wrote a blog about Abigail.  Today is Brandt's turn.  He is my little man and I want to explain why I love him so much.

The boy is unique- seriously.  I don't know many people who are such a good blend of athletic, musical, creative, and smart.  He plays all-star football and basketball.  He enjoys golf.  He'll watch sports and ESPN all day with me and commentate better some of the announcers.  Then he'll go off and be able to play in his bedroom for hours on end with himself and action heroes.  He'll create full stories and have a ball.  He's smart- straight A's and works to keep his grades up.

Brandt is funny.  Unfortunately, he has inherited my goofiness and sense of humor.  That means, at times, he may make a joke at inappropriate times.  But on the other hand, he laughs a lot.  He enjoys making up jokes (that are often terrible).  But he loves them.  He reads joke books.  He says funny things and loves it when he gets in a good "one liner".  If he finds something that makes someone laugh, he reuses it.  He's a jokester.

My little man is bright.  He picks up on things quickly!  Sometimes too fast and I have to explain something or tell him that's "for adults only".  Not only does he make good grades, but he just gets it.  You know there are folks with book smarts but they couldn't apply something if they had too.  Not B.  He is a complete package there.

My favorite thing about Brandt is often my biggest frustration.  Brandt is nice.  VERY nice.  He's a kind-hearted and big-hearted young man.  For 10 years old, he most often is very unselfish and wants others happy.  He doesn't want to hurt people's feelings.  He really cares for people.  So how could this be a frustration?  Mainly in athletics where I'm UBBER competetive.  Brandt can't play mean.  At least right now, that's just not in him.  He'd rather the team win and he get to play than to dominate a game.  With his size, that would be pretty easy.  But he cheers as much when someone on his team makes a great play or scores than he does when he is the "hero".  He cares so much about others that he stands up to bullies.  I remember when the bully program started at school- he went to the counselor and voiced his concern over a kid being mean to someone else.

I love my son!  I hope he continues to grow and challenge me to be better.  He inspires me with his heart and love for others.  He makes me laugh.  I love hanging out with him- on the sports field or course, riding around, or sitting at home.  I know he will do some amazing things for Jesus because he's already figured out what so many struggle with for a long time--- this life is about others.  The style of clothes or ability on a court or grades in school or car you drive or "level" in society do not a person make--- no, they are valuable because of Jesus and because they are human.  Brandt is often the epitome of "the least shall be the greatest"....

Love you bub! 

Daddy 

I cried on the way to work again.  As my family will quickly tell you, I'm a cryer.  Emotional basketcase at times.  I was listening to country (first mistake) and the song "Stealing Cinderella" by Chuck Wicks came on.  I've heard it before but for some reason this morning, the song struck me.

Maybe it's the fact that yesterday was my 3 year anniversary of being told I was in remission.  That's a reminder that life is short.  Fragile.  I may not be here tomorrow.  I may not get the chance to live out the words of this song.  Here's the link to the music video that got this blog going this morning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KHAaRxyuQk

The rest of this blog, I just want to share my thoughts about my Cinderella.

I love my daughter.  Abigail means "Father is rejoicing" and as soon as Rachel offered that name up and what it meant, I knew that was perfect.  I do rejoice in who Abigail is and who she is becoming.

Abigail is unique.  Sometimes that is hard because unique is often left by the "crowd".  That's hard when you're a 12 year old.  But I love it.  She enjoys things because SHE likes them, not because of others.  She puts outfits together that make me shake my head but SHE digs them. 

Abigail is eclectic.  This may be an oxymoron with unique.  But she likes dance, sports, music, art.  She's good at ALL subjects in school, including math, which is "normally" a guy subject.  I guess she just has too many passions. 

That can get her in trouble with mom & dad because she will focus on something and lose track of something we feel is more important.  I guess in short, those two things make her a free spirit.  Just typing that made me smile.  She has a ball with life.  She smiles so much and laughs. 

Abigail is authentic.  This is VERY wierd for a girl these days.  She is who she is.  And 99% of the time she doesn't care what you think.  (The one exception is when she has to ride in BIG RED and get dropped off at school.)  She moves to the beat of her own drum- and I sometimes wonder who is playing that thing.

Lots of people with girls tell me to "watch out" because something happens around 13 years old and a sweet little girl turns into a know-it-all, cranky, and sometimes just plain rude.  I honestly don't see that with Abigail.  Her heart is just too big.  She loves so much.  And if that happens, after I spank and ground her, I will still love her.  I hope we never lose the hugs and kisses just because.

Because Abigail is my cinderella.