runningfromthedark's Xanga

I believe….BUT

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 14:11:11 GMT

Why is that I trust God and believe Him, but then doubt Him? I think this is a common struggle. We proclaim His goodness and rely on Him, but then we try to “control” things that are really outside of our control.

Here’s what I mean. I applied for the open teaching position at BNL that became vacant when Nathan Woodward took the Mitchell Jr. High Asst. Principal position. This happened last Friday. I spoke with Mr. Conner that day and filled out the online application. I spent Saturday fasting and praying about the position. (I wanted to express to God and my heart that I understand that the job, like food, is only possible through Him.) Monday morning I dropped off my resume’ and philosophy of education to Mr. Conner personally. I also asked a Dana Sowders to drop in a good word for me. I spent the rest of the day praying about it.

Since that time, I have spent a LOT of time praying and thinking and texting and asking about the position. Here’s my question…If I REALLY believed and trusted God was Sovereign and would do what is best, would I be continually doing this stuff? Would I have to feel compelled to text Dana to find out if she had heard anything? Would I continually be praying about it?

Or would I simply trust that my Daddy would do what was best for me? Wouldn’t I just take comfort in His plan and not try to finagle, worry, manipulate the system, spend time thinking about it. I think this is what true belief would look like. I can’t be praying and giving things to God and then saying, “BUT”. I can’t give them away and then try to control them. I’m not capable to control it anyway.

I’m tired of saying, “I believe…but.” It’s time to simply believe. It’s time to take God at His word- that He loves me, that His plans are perfect, that His will is untouched, that His presence is unchanging, that He is my Daddy.

Here’s the Troy application of Mark 9:14-27

A man named Troy hollered to Jesus, “I brought my career and BNL position to you but I haven’t heard anything. Why is this?”

“O unbelieving child," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the job to me."

So Troy once again brought the worry and fear about the job to Jesus.

Jesus asked, “How long have you been looking for a job, Troy?”

“For a long time. I have always had a passion to work with teens and show them love. If you can lead me to the right position, I will give you praise and glory.”

“If I can?!?!?!?” Jesus said. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”

Troy answered, “I do believe. Help my unbelief.”

What do you have unbelief about? What do you try to control?

Your job.

Your money.

Your spouse.

Your child.

Your health.

Your time.

Your __________.

It’s all God’s. The very breath I just took…that you just took.

May I believe. May you believe. May God help our unbelief!

Padiddle

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:39:51 GMT

on my drive into work this morning (at 4:30) i was enjoying my time with Christ. i was talking, singing, trying to stay awake. since reading The Shack i have enjoyed many moments like this as i picture Jesus sitting with me- laughing, listening, speaking. as the radio station faded out, i decided to be silent and listen to Him speak for a bit. for those of you who have tried this, it is often awkward because "dumb" things pop in your head that you know God wouldn't be saying. (ex: "i need to remember to stop by cvs to get _______.")

but this morning i actually didn't have things like that pop in. it was really silent for a few minutes. as i rounded a curve, Jesus spoke to me about padiddles. you know what a padiddle is right? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Padiddle) the one head-light car? yeah, that's me. and that's what me and Jesus talked about the rest of the way in to work.

i am called (and so are you if you are a follower of Christ) to be light in the darkness. Jesus asked me, "Troy, why do you often go through life as a padiddle? You don't use everything you have access to. Yes, you illuminate the path, but not as well as you could." i heard this as i saw the eyes of a little doe next to the road.

anytime i drive to work (at crane) early in the morning, i see deer. and man, having 2 headlights would help me so much. so i was interested in this discussion with Jesus..."what do you mean?"

the rest of this post is what i learned this morning...

Jesus calls me to worship in Spirit and truth. I am called to live with His power and His grace. There are two parts (and probably more but for this morning's lesson, let's keep it simple). I usually am good at one at a time. The truth is God is love, grace, mercy, hope, peace, completeness. But the Spirit...oh the Spirit is power. The Spirit is what worked in Jesus to heal, resist temptation, love the unlovely.

I think a lot of people are like this. Some want to focus on his Power- speaking in tongues, His justice, His might, healings, etc. I picture the guy on the corner at Indiana State hollering at people that "Repent! God will judge you!" Or as Rob Bell calls these types, the Bullhorn guy. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ouz24ibMiI)

Others focus on His grace, His love. The truth that Jesus came to express a love that is often unbelievable. This is easy for those of us who recognize our own sinfulness and have to cling to the cross. We so want others to see Christ's love. We want them to come to His grace.

Oh to live out a life that expresses both God's grace and power. To live in a constant state of Spirit and truth. To lovingly express the beauty of the cross and the power of the resurrection. To portray Jesus as wholly man and wholly God. To recognize the power that is living inside of me through the Spirit. To unwaveringly proclaim the story of redemption through my words, actions, and thoughts.

I'm tired of being a padiddle. May I, may the followers of Christ, may we live in His Spirit and truth. May we illuminate the power we have and the grace we know!

Online Journal (Or Ephesians 4:1)

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 12:57:26 GMT

I am really being hammered lately on the idea of what a priest is. God seems to be showing me through various mediums that I am simply to be an expression of what He is. Rob Bell’s sermon series on “Jesus Came to Save Christians” began this enlightenment over a week ago. As he said, “You are the message. God called Israel and He calls us to be a bodily expression of Him.”

This isn’t a new idea for me. I mean, God calls us a “royal priesthood”. But to hear Bell explain the backdrop of what a priest was and how He was really calling ALL of Israel to this was a new concept. He went on to explain the 4 areas of the Jewish journey through the OT- Egypt, Sinai, Jerusalem, Babylon. There is a ton of stuff that I could write on here, but for room’s sake I’ll just say that it’s HUGE for me.

As I’ve read other things, I continue to get the same story. And now scripture verses are beginning to make sense. Shockingly, too, this teaching has given me more freedom. I have always believed it is okay to drink, cuss, eat, or whatever if done in moderation. But now I see all of my life not as “okay” and “wrong,” but as an act of worship and personification to who I believe God to be. Take for example following verse from Proverbs 1:10: “My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them.” Why not? Formerly I would have thought, “Great, another rule to follow.” But now I realize that I don’t give in to sinners because when I do, I express through my actions and words that God is okay with sin. When I drink and because of my past, I could be expressing that God is okay with drunkenness and partying…even though I’m not really expressing that at all in my head.

Then I was reading The Canterbury Tales for my British Lit class. In the prologue, Chaucer writes of the clerk, “This fine example to his flock he gave, that first he wrought and afterwards he taught…well ought a priest example good to give, by his own cleanness, how his flock should live.” In other words, DO first and teach later. SHOW people who your God is! As Ephesians 4:1 says, “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”

Has it really been this long?

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:09:42 GMT

I guess it has. It's funny how you get in to a "normal" routine and forget about things like updating folks and writing down feelings. A lot to catch up on...so let's get started.

*I had my "1 Year Anniversary" of getting diagnosed earlier this month. March 7. It's been a strange year. Talk about a roller coaster. Diagnosed, surgeries, chemo, radiation, remission. Up and down emotionally. Spiritually it has been pretty stellar though. God has really taught me some cool things. If only I wouldn't forget them....

*Abigail made an AAU (all star) basketball team. She's pretty small and still timid. I hope she grows a few inches before next year and gets some meanness. But watching both of the kids play has been really cool.

*Brandt is, well, huge. He's the same size as Abigail now. And he's still all boy. He gets in trouble at school and home because he's figgity, talkative, and a clown. But man is he fun!

*Lent- I'm doing Lent this year with Mars Hill. Fasting Facebook (may never go back) and arguing (especially politics and online blog arguments). Mars has been going through Lamentations and below are just a few things I have gleened through the process:

Lamentations is a brutal book. I mean, it's a lament. And there is no good part in the story. It's an honest plea of a people who are hurting.
God doesn't come in and save the day. This book would be a crappy movie. But it's honest. And real. And life. Because all too often life really sucks and it's the way it is baby. No new job. No relationship fixed. No healing or miracle. No made shot at the end of a season. Just raw and real.
God doesn't come in and save the day...but he does say, "Do not fear." I was astonished that God didn't say, "Don't fear because ________________." He doesn't say why not to fear. He just says, "DON'T." He also doesn't say "Don't be upset. Don't be in pain." All that's legit. And it's all human. But in the midst of the pain and hurt, we can trust and have hope.

*This leads to the last thing on the update. About a week ago I had some more vision problems. And they were the same as I had last year right before I was diagnosed with Hodgkins. They moved my 6 month PET up 3 weeks and I had that Tuesday. Today I got the results and they were normal. So I'm stil in remission.

Between last Wednesday and yesterday, though, I did have fear. I feared dying. Not because I'm afraid of death. I truly believe that death is gain and I'd be with Jesus. But because I'm selfish. Here's what I mean....

I love my family. I like my hobbies. I love this world and enjoy it. All this is the problem, you see. I love them more (sometimes) than I love Jesus. I cried a lot at church on Sunday and Joey asked me what I was afraid of. As we talked and thought, I realized my fear is not seeing my family grow up. Not growing old with Rachel. Not seeing the kids graduate, get married, dominate in a sport, have their own kids. I love them. And Jesus tells me I need to "hate my family". I never understood that until this week. I don't have to hate them. But I do have to love Jesus more. And to be honest, I love them more a lot of times.

So I'm afraid because I'm selfishly wanting to be here. I don't yearn for death. I don't grasp for Jesus....because I am holding on to my family. To my life. The grave holds nothing over me...except the temporary leaving until heaven. But what if we don't know each other? Or if I die and one of them doesn't follow Jesus? Or they get mad at God like I did when my papaw died and turn to all sorts of stupidity?

So my challenge to myself over the next few weeks is to figure out how to love Jesus more. I've been reading and praying over Lent. But I need to get more focused. I need to reclaim some truths I found last year. Rachel sent me a note that had some verses from various posts from last year. I will end with these. May you and I claim these truths in our lives and have no fear...

But I trust in you, O LORD;
       I say, "You are my God."
My times are in your hands;
       deliver me from my enemies
       and from those who pursue me.

Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
Psalm 31:14-16

May his name endure forever; may it continue as long as the sun. All nations will be blessed through him, and they will call him blessed. Praise be to the LORD God, the God of Israel, who alone does marvelous deeds. Praise be to his glorious name forever; may the whole earth be filled with his glory. Amen and Amen. Psalm 72:17-19

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:4-5

Shalom~ Troy

i have a dream...

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 18:02:36 GMT

i preached at mcc yesterday. another 40+ minute look at God's word. i enjoyed it. i enjoyed seeing old (and by old, i mean from the past) faces. i enjoyed seeing a few new ones. i enjoyed confessing some sin from when i was there and having a few come up and thank me. a few tell me they appreciated it and forgave me. a few who told me they can tell i've really grown.

it's been 4 (or was it 5) years since i've been at mcc. a lot has changed in me. things have changed at mcc too...kurt leaving, families leaving, a sweet new playground, the bass player in the band. but a lot (and in my humble opinion, too much) has stayed the same. same needs. same problems. same frusrtations. so i get the chance to occassionally come back and speak. (and yesterday lead the music in the second service). i am free to say what i feel and say what i think scripture clearly teaches...all without the fear of ticking people off and losing my job.

okay, so a few people came as guests yesterday and one of penni's friends (chuck) asked me about preaching. i think penni put him up to it. but i've told her and others there before that it would take a burning bush for me to put my resume in there and go back. so chuck asked if it had to be "a literal burning bush"? yes. i told him it would be like elijah and me soaking a bush with water and seeing the fireball come from heaven. "no person telling you as the burning bush?" no.

then i thought about it. i changed my mind. i would put my resume in at mcc or another church if it was a functional new testament church. that would be a burning bush for me. as group looked at ephesians last night, someone in our group (who has been to mcc twice) said that it seemed like mcc needed someone like paul to stand up and preach with conviction and power...not being scared of upsetting people. seriously. have you ever read paul's stuff? he (as joey said) SLAMBASTS christians to do things. there's no beating around the bush. here's what the deal is. now do it. or don't but if you don't, don't pretend to be a follower of Christ.

so here are some things that i feel are pretty clear "burning bushes" for churches today:

helping the poor and needy (no ties, no questions. just help. meet needs. love them in Jesus' name.)
being led by the elders (not run by a board. not having meetings to make decisions about the direction of the church. not jumping through hoops. elders as spiritual leaders. really leading the flock.)
authentic worship (the message of Christ is held up and the methods are not questioned. ALL methods are encouraged and explored if it helps deepen the love and relationship to Jesus. this includes talking openly about failure because that helps in growth.)
prayer
accountability
discipleship
small groups (accountability and discipleship...in my opinion...only really happen here.)
Jesus is the cornerstone (no squabbles about opinions or preferences. it's about Jesus. everything else is measured through this.)
unity (because Christ has torn down the wall of hostility between us. unity within the church, with other churches. when there is disagreement, we still love. we can hug and love through the differences. we can even study both sides and either come to agreement or agree to disagree...like me and joe do about calvinism & baptism)
people can be themselves (in their brokenness. in their success. where a leader can have a beer with a pizza because it tastes good. a guy can play cards or halo and not be shunned. clothes, hobbies, money, job-status are not factors in church politics. the bar is "are they following Jesus?")

i'm sure there are more. but this is a quick list. my dreams for faith journey fellowship. my dreams for the church universal. i have a dream....

Dave Ramsey Class

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 13:12:45 GMT

I am going to lead a Dave Ramsey class starting February 11. The cost is $89 for the 12 week program. It changed my life enough that I'm willing to teach it. 6:30-8:00 at my house. I'm only taking the first 5 couples that can sign up. I've already got 3 and want to keep it to 8 for discussion purposes.

If for some reason the price is too steep, our church will help cover the cost. You get CD's, the class, hang with me for 12 weeks, and TONS of good information about wealth building.

http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/

Call me or email me if you're interested! 812-276-5576

Troy

Song

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 08:12:32 GMT

On the way to work this morning (at 2:30) I was thinking about the past year. The trials. The journey. The hard times. A song popped into my head and I came to work and jotted it down as quick as I could. The lyrics are below and I'll be working on music this week. I suppose it's a reflection of my heart and thanks to Jesus for always being there...

When darkness comes

You shine through

Or drought filled ground

You’re morning dew

Chorus:

You are hope

You are light

Halle-lujah

You are truth

You are peace

Hall-lujah

Storm clouds appear

You’re my shield

And sin creeps in

Your Son has healed

Bridge:

The Morning Star,

The Corner Stone,

The Prince of Peace,

Jesus alone

PET results

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 13:57:10 GMT

I went in for my first post-treatment scan on Tuesday. It was a PET. Not sure I've ever explained the PET for you folks, so here's what happens...at least in the Bloomington area.

The PET is only done on Tuesdays because it is done from a mobile scanning unit.
You sit in the waiting room and they call you back. The techs make small talk on the 3 minute walk back to the parking lot where the mobile unit is parked.
Go to a small room with a chair and they ask questions (even though they've asked them before). While one of the techs is asking questions, the other puts in an IV and gives you a medicine that comes in this big metal box. Obviously this is a safe medicine as I get all my meds from big metal boxes.
You sit for 45 minutes for the medicine to go through your body.
The scan is laying on a metal table (very comfy) and put into a small tube. The scan lasts 20 minutes or so but if you are claustrophobic it would be brutal. I just close my eyes and pray. The machine is loud and hums and cranks while you sit inches on all sides from it. Did I mention they strap you on to the comfortable table. Literally. Put a rubber band thing around your feet and then a huge velcro thingy around your upper body. Movement is bad for a scan.
Then you're done...and you wait for the results. Maybe the worst part...except for the table.

So I had mine on Tuesday. I called my doctor yesterday to let her know to please call when they get the results. I was on my way home and decided to remind them that I would like to know ASAP. She's on vacation. Stink. But then the receptionist said they had just received the results and a nurse would call me back.

5 minutes and I get the call. It was Jody. She said, "Troy, I've got your results. It looks good but I'll just read it word for word." She read it. It was full of medical jargon but as a cancer patient you learn to listen and know what stuff means. At least I did. One of the things I learned from reading Lance Armstrong. So the short version is...

It's good. All the lymphnodes are normal except one. And it was the original one we found. It hadn't changed since my last scan in September so they expect that to be scar tissue. Everything else was "significantly reduced" and cancer free!

That is how to ring in the New Year! I cried when I heard the news. Thought that was strange. But I guess subconciously I'll be nervous over those things until I'm "cured" which takes 5 years. So right now, 3 months clean and 4 years 9 months to go.

On another note, please be praying for some folks I know who have been recently diagnosed with cancers. I won't put what kind but God knows and He is big enough to understand. Please pray for and remember Tom Woodward, Virgil (a friend of a friend), and Carl March.

Shalom~Troy

Special Needs Stroller Needed ASAP

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 18:14:53 GMT

I got an email today on one of my prayer chains. See below:

Hi everyone,

My friend's son, Julian, the four year old with Leukemia is having a rough time. He is not able to walk due to a side effect of the chemotherapy treatments. His mom, Dulie, is a recently single mom and having a very hard time with all of this in every way possible. Please pray for Julian to get back the use of his legs, for the cancer to be gone... prayer for Dulie to remain faithful, confident that our Lord is going to take care of all of them. They need a "special needs stroller", but are unable to afford it. Pray for the Lord to provide that for them. Just pray.

Now, I figure I can round up enough people to help get this done. So I'm asking each of you to help in whatever way you can. The cost is about $1400. I'm going to assume that between all of us we can find a way to give $25-100 each and help this single mom and boy with one of their needs. Chemo is bad enough...can't imagine being a parent and seeing the kid go through it.

So here's the deal:

Email me and let me know how much you can give. Then send me a check or get me cash. It's Monday and I figure even with mailing checks to me we could get this done by this weekend and I could get her the money by early next week. Anything over the $1400 we'll just give her to help with meds and stuff. Please help and give as much as you can. Maybe tell your spouse to not spend that extra $25 on you or the kids in the last days before Christmas. Let's get this done!

Troy Guthrie

141 Pine Drive

Mitchell, IN 47446

Passed

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 16:22:08 GMT

I passed my Praxis tests. I knew I had done well on math and english. But I just found out about my social studies. I just started crying. Wow. I guess that means I'm going to be a teacher.

I will start taking classes on Saturdays in January. Should finish classes and be certified by May 2010.